WHEN I AM WEAK, HE IS STRONG...

I've had many people ask questions about my background as the "biography" info on the right is a bit sketchy. It's difficult to sum up one's life story in 300 words or less! I thought I would spend today sharing about who I am and where I've come from. Hopefully, you will see God's hand in all of this just as clearly as the sun is shining.

I was born in Los Angeles, California on May 5, 1978. My parents were not expecting to have their first child until much later, but surprises sometimes happen! Mom was 23 and Dad was 24 and they were both dirt poor and scared to death! My dad was working for Campus Crusade and, as previously mentioned, finances were VERY tight.

To make matters worse, I was born with some severe birth defects and had multiple surgeries before I was one month old. I had no plumbing whatsoever and had to undergo multiple reconstructive surgeries as well as neurogenic bladder implantation and placement (I have an artificial bladder)! I had a cholostomy to contend with as well. I have been told by urologists since then that God must really love me because there wasn't appropriate medical technology in the '70's to allow for such dramatic procedures. They are dumbfounded that I haven't had any serious problems since that time. When I am weak, He is strong!

All of that being said, the first three years of my life were very trying for my parents. Surgery after surgery, hospitalization after hospitalization, etc. There were times when they were told that I would not make it through the night. When I am weak, He is strong!

Just when life seemed as though it were about to settle down, I came down with pneumonia at age three resulting in yet another hospitalization! I'm told that this was a very close call as well, but God apparently had a purpose for me because I'm still here! When I am weak, He is strong!

In the middle of all of this, we ended up moving from L.A. to a small town called Van Wert in Ohio. I only know one person who knows where that small town is: Bob Johnson! He is thrilled that I was a buckeye for at least a percentage of my life! My dad assumed a senior/youth pastorate roll at Calvary Evangelical Church in Van Wert, Ohio. It was a large church and he was terrified! This was a better living situation for our family as we spent some time "in the hood" while living in the L.A. area... I've heard stories of drunks out on the front lawn, people beating on the back door, etc. I'm glad the folks made the move!

I'm guessing that around age three, we then moved to Grover Hill, Ohio. Dad had assumed the senior pastorate position for Zion Baptist Church. Once again, only one person knows where that is: Bob Johnson! Go figure... I LOVED Grover Hill, but hated all the snakes that seemed to thrive on our property. I remember them coming out of a ditch along the side of the backyard and slithering through the cornfield. I remember one chasing me to the front porch one day. I still am terrified of snakes. When I am weak, He is strong?!?!?! ;-)

Shortly after our move, I remember my mom coming to me in my bedroom one day to tell me that she wanted me to go pray for a baby brother or sister with her. I didn't think this was a very good idea, but I did it anyone and wound up with my sister, Sara seven months before my fifth birthday... I was so excited when Mom went to hospital to deliver Sara because that meant that Grandma and Grandpa were coming! YEAH!!!! We would go shopping, eat at Wendy's, go to Smiley Park and they would be mine, ALL MINE, for the next few weeks. I was elated! They would bring me gifts, bake cookies with me and spoil me rotten. Life just couldn't get any better than that.... I got a little cocky because I vividly remember Grandma spanking me one day... Grandparents are NOT supposed to spank, punish or discipline their grandkids in ANY way... or so I thought... That was a bit of a speed bump down the freeway of life, but all was well again shortly thereafter.....

.....Until the phone rang. It was dad telling me that I had a baby sister, Sara Ruth. I think my response was, "Why?" I was not enthused. I then remember being told that we were going to the hospital to see her. I was excited about this only because I missed my mom. Upon entering the hospital, I was escorted straight to Sara. I remember Grandpa lifting me up so I could squish my face against the glass window of the hospital nursery pointing to Sara saying, "There she is." I was disgusted. "Where's Mommy?" I asked. I was then taken straight to my mom!

No one told me that we would have to take Sara home after she was born. This was NOT good news. All she did was eat and cry for two straight weeks. I remember one particular evening where she was screaming in her crib. Grandpa walked into her room and stood by the side of the crib just looking at her. I don't think he knew I was right behind him. "Lord, shut this child up," he murmured quietly... Sara has been vocal ever since.

Before I knew what hit me, it was time to move again! I was six years old when Dad announced that we were moving back to Van Wert. He'd assumed a senior pastorate roll at First Baptist Church of Van Wert. I think those days were probably the happiest of my life. We got to move to a big, beautiful two-story colonial home on two acres of cherry trees, apple trees, pine trees, grape vines, peonies and roses while surrounded by corn and wheat fields. This was the best "Hide & Seek" place by far. Each summer afternoon, Sara waited for Dad to get home so he would come outside to play "Hide & Seek" with us. Once again, Sara couldn't keep her mouth shut, so I would ALWAYS find where she and my dad were hiding. As I approached each hiding spot, I would hear Dad say, "Skeeter Bug, BE QUIET!" That was her nickname. It was because she looked like a giant insect when she was born....that's just my opinion.

Van Wert was great. My best friend, Shauna Cook, at the time lost her mother to cancer when she was just six years old. She had a younger brother, Josh, who was three and an older brother, Danny, who was five. This was sad, but great at the same time because that meant that Shauna could come over and play with me all the time. Our families did EVERYTHING together. I remember one particular evening when we had the bright idea of catching lightening bugs and putting them into jars. I'm not sure what inspired us to do this. After filling our jars with hundreds of thousands of bugs (which really only amounted to about five or six bugs), we ran into the house and up the stairs. We probably had about six or seven jars between the two of us. In the process of running up the stairs, we fell and our jars went tumbling to the bottom of the stairs where they were broken open and the bugs were set free....ALL OVER the house. Shauna and I immediately headed for the door to our favorite hiding spot outside... That's all I'm going to say about that!

The saddest day of my childhood had to have been when Dad announced that we were moving to Cedar Spring, Michigan. What the heck?!!?!! I was nine years old and he'd assumed a senior pastorate roll at Maranatha Baptist Church. During this time, another big surprise, approximately ten pounds and one ounce, showed up on April 18th, 1991. Two weeks before my thirteenth birthday, Aaron Marc barged his way into the world. My mom was initially devastated when she found she was pregnant. She thought the diapers and potty training days were well behind her. Dad was elated! He bought planes when he found out Mom was pregnant with me and sold them after I was born. He bought trains when Mom was carrying Sara and sold them after she was born. This time, he got to keep both.

My brother and I have always had a unique relationship. When you have people constantly asking you how old your son is, it tends to change the nature of things. This was a relationship that mirrored that of an aunt and a nephew. I was his other mom.

I had a good time at Maranatha, but of course we moved again three months before my 14th birdthday to Kalkaska, Michigan, home of Calvary Baptist Church of Kalkaska. These were some great years. I had a good youth pastor, close friends, my high school was only a block down the street from our house and things were going well. I was very active in church activities and felt like we were finally home.

In 1996, I graduated high school and enrolled at Pensacola Christian Prison (I mean COLLEGE) the following Fall. I am very proud to say that I lasted an entire semester there. I couldn't even come home for Thanksgiving. I'd had enough. When I am weak, He is strong!

My dad drove the 24-hour trip to Pensacola to take me home PERMANENTLY just before Christmas of '96. Before Dad even made it out of the car and up to my dorm room, my Mom called to say that her Dad had just died. We immediately turned around and drove non-stop all the way home. Mom and Dad boarded a plane for L.A. the very next day. Dad went three or four days with his head ever touching a pillow. When we are weak, He is strong!

Ten days later, Mom and Dad flew back home. They were unlocking the front door and heard the phone ringing. It was my Mom's sister calling. Grandma just died. Back out the door we went, straight to the airport. We spent about a month in California clearing out the estate.

After all of this, I needed to figure out a job situation. I assumed a nanny position for a family in our church. The parents consisted of one high school French teacher and one contractor. They had a five year old daughter, Lindsey and a newborn, Joshua. I worked for them until school was out the following June of '97.

I decided to enroll in Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids in Fall of '97. I attended there for two years and could not decide on a major. Nothing appealed to me.

If you're not going to go to school, then you need to work! During the Winter of '98, I assumed another nanny position for the vice-president of sales for Bill Mahr-Sara Lee. That was interesting. They had three children living at home: Christopher, age three, Meghan, age five, and Mallory, age thirteen. After two months, the Lord made it very clear that this was not a good decision. I packed up and moved to Ann Arbor where my parents had established residence during my time at Cornerstone.

By now, Dad was an associate pastor in the Ypsilanti area. I didn't care for the church and had a difficult time feeling like I fit in. I was soon out looking for a church of my own. I was also looking for a job! I ended up working for a small fire restoration company in Ann Arbor called First Class Services. I stayed there for about a year until a much, much better offer came along.
I met Terri Eglinton, RN, in December of 1999. I had no health care experience of any kind, but she decided to give me a shot. She liked my personality and thought I'd be a boost for moral on the unit. In January of 2000, I was hired as health unit coordinator for cardiology step-down at Saint Jospeh Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor. I finally knew that this was what I was supposed to do as a career. I loved St. Joe's and was there for eight years. I was very happy. I had a cool apartment in Ann Arbor, I loved the village area and things couldn't get any better.

January 23, 2003, I woke up in the middle of the night with sharp, intermittent stabbing pains on my left side. I got out of bed and took some Motrin and decided to wait for thirty minutes. Well, exactly thirty minutes later, I was being wheeled into the E.R. of St. Joe's Hospital on a gurney. The pain had escalated rapidly and I decided to drive myself to the hospital. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but it felt like I was giving birth. I was quickly diagnosed with having two large kidney stones stuck in the base of my left kidney. There was no was for any drainage to pass through my body. I had become septic (a.k.a. deathly ill) and, due to my extensive surgical history, no one new what to do. If they performed the usual lithotripsy procedure in order to break up the stones, they could puncture my artificial bladder or tear the kidney. I was green in appearance and constantly vomiting, but the pain was the worst pain I've ever had in my life. Even worse than having broken bones or my ankle pushed back into place. This is when it pays to be buddies with your primary care physician and your urologist and have the staff of the hospital! God had strategically placed me in that place of employment for such a time as this. I am convinced of that. By that time, I had already opened up the first private practice my personal physician had ever owned, I was managing it effectively and things were going very well from a business perspective. My doctor knew me well and I needed someone like that to be able to fix this huge medical problem. When I am weak, He is strong!

Dr. M. Hugh Soloman, a south African guy and good friend, came storming into the E.R. two hours later. It must've been around 4 a.m. "Why didn't you call my cell phone?" he asked me. I am not in the habit of abusing patient/doctor privileges, but was so grateful for this man and so ill, that I happily accepted the verbal spanking! Dr. Solomon flew out of state to watch urologists perform a brand new, experimental procedure for patients with artificial bladders suffering from kidney stone blockages. You want to talk about feeling humbled? Let's do it!

Dr. Solomon flew back and performed three procedures on me. He took time away from his patients, his practice, the hospital and his family in order to fix me. I am alive today because of the way God used this man. When I am weak, He is strong; He is at work!

On February 23, 2007, Dr. Solomon performed his last procedure and I was sent home to recover for an additional month. I haven't had any problems since then.

During that recovery period, I spent a great deal of time wondering where God would lead me in the way of finding a church. I decided to re-visit my parents' church in Ypsilanti. I even ended up joining the church for one year, but knew that wasn't what God had for me. I didn't feel the church was moving in the right direction and had some strong concerns about the leadership. I began to get very depressed. I felt like the hamster in the wheel. Spinning and spinning without any rhyme or reason. Totally and completely without purpose. I went on like this for a couple of years. When I am weak, He is strong.

My parents have known the associate pastor of the church I attend now and his wife for over 25 years. I've always known this church existed, but never thought to try it out. I finally decided on January 1st, 2006, that I would go visit. I haven't attended anywhere else since. In November of 2006, I became a member and decided it was time to dive in! I absolutely loved Cornerstone. I love the people who ARE Cornerstone. I am home now. After years and years of trying to figure out what "home" looks like, I now know. As much as I love the people, it's not ABOUT the people. It's about allowing Christ to work in and through you. I can say with absolute certainty that He is doing that right this very moment. When I am weak, He is strong!

I attended Cornerstone for nine months, making the drive from Ann Arbor to Roseville every Sunday AND Wednesday. In November of 2006, I knew it was time to make a decision. I couldn't keep doing this with the expectation that I could lay down roots there. Then I was hired by Beaumont Hospital in Troy (very competitive, so that was definitely the hand of God) and I began to look for living arrangements. I moved into a condo owned by a 60-year-old lady that same month. Unbeknownst to me, this lady was an alcoholic with multiple psychological issues who loved to root through my personal belongings, my bills, my drawers and closet as well as help herself to my personal computer files whenever the spirit moved her. I frequently could hear her phone conversations with friends, LYING to them about things I had said or done. In January of '07, I knew this was getting VERY dangerous. When I am weak, He is strong.

God has ALWAYS blessed me with very strong Christian friends that I can trust in any situation. At my lowest, most discouraged point, my friend Jessica rescued me. She put her foot down and said, "Val, we're getting you out of this mess NOW." She would not have taken "no" for an answer (PRAISE THE LORD)! I moved to Plymouth with Jessica until I could get back on my feet. This is where it gets good: God's grace was so abundant to me during this time. Jess refused rent, allowing me to build some savings so that I could find a place to live. Also, a good friend of mine from work had purchased a condo during this time. I was unaware of this. We had discussed moving in together before, but it never looked as though it would work out. When I am weak, He is strong.

One day, at work, Ranju (my new condo-owner friend), mentioned that she heard I was looking for a roommate. I said that I was. She then said, "Don't look anymore. I just bought a condo in Sterling Heights. It's not even two miles from work. Just move in with me." And the angels sang!!! In April '07, I moved in with Ranju and it has been a great experience. She has bent over backwards to help me whenever I've needed it. I am so thankful that God is ALWAYS at work, ESPECIALLY when we cannot see it. At my weakest point, He was making His strongest move.

In May of 2007, I took another blow. Through some spiritual events and confrontations that ocurred, I lost someone who I thought was one of my best friends. We were never able to fully reconcile the friendship because my friend cannot see the depth of his own depravity; the bondage that sin has placed him in. If you've ever experienced the death of a close friend or family member, then you know what this feels like. This past summer was truly the hardest summer of my life. I can withstand weird living situations, financial turmoil, job difficulties, etc., but when something is happening with people I am close to, that is a different story. This just about destroyed me. I also lost my car during this time as well, but when I am weak, He is strong.

This was where the rubber was to meet the road. There comes a point in everyone's lives where we have to choose who we are going to be. Are we going to live for Christ or live for self? The cost is great and we are NEVER promised that it will be easy. As a matter of fact, we are guaranteed that "in this world, you WILL have trouble," however, the profound promise is this: "Lo, I am with you ALWAYS. EVEN UNTO THE END." I am not a hamster spinning it's wheel. Christ has always had a predetermined course for my life, continually and providentially guiding each and every step. When I am weak, He is strong.

My decision had been made. I was going to respond to this Biblically rather than emotionally. The problem with emotions is that they change. If we serve a God who is the same yesterday, today and forever, that means we serve a Lord of stability. If we are to live as Christ, then that means that I have to be firmly grounded and stable just as He is. When I am weak, He is strong.

Even though this was an awful time, one that I hope never to repeat, so much GOOD has come out of this. I became very close with many people. I've learned what church is; that it's one big family; that it is a global community. A car was provided and I learned that the Lord heals all wounds and to be thankful for the scars, for in them lie the stories of His grace and mercy. The scars are a constant reminder that HE WILL COME THROUGH UNFAILINGLY. When I am weak, He is strong.

As I sit here typing all of this up, I realize that this is excellent therapy! I always wondered what I would do with a blog if I had one. It was then brought to my attention that a blog can act as a journal; that ten years from now, when I am in the middle of new sufferings, I can look back at this and be reminded of some of the attributes of my Lord; I will be reminded to continually stand firm in Him; He will bring me through. He is doing that even now in that He is physically healing me, He is already working on providing a car and He is working out my finances. I am weak, but He is strong!

I've told many people that if I get one more card that says, "You need to rest now," I plan to chuck it into the fireplace. I am not someone who rests. I really don't know how and I find it to be a joyless waste of time. I have since learned that to rest ultimately means to trust. "You need to TRUST now." That much is true. If I get another card that says that, it will not make it's acquaintance with the fireplace. It will be placed in a scrapbook for future reflection; a reminder that when I am weak, He is strong.

"Jesus Loves Me / Clair De Lune" - Dino Kartsonakis